All I have to say is I am the best wife in the history of wiferness!!!

The history of the beard. I hate it!  It is itchy, scratchy, and just not happening.

   Day 1

Jeff on the other hand LOVES to grow a beard. The rule of the house is if he doesn’t shave then neither do I -  no hair for me, no hair for him. Until now. As an early birthday present he gets to grow a beard for the rest of the winter. Yesterday was Day 1 of Beardfest 2007. I am scared, so scared of the bearded beast.

This week on Oprah (yes, I watch Oprah while eating Bon Bons and vegging on the couch) anyhow, there was a girl on there struggling with infertility. I didn’t realize that I still felt so emotional about it all. The woman and her story really struck a tender spot with me. I almost cried while watching it because everything she said brought back all of the memories of IVF and how stressful and emotional it was. Everyday I look at my babies and feel so blessed and lucky to finally have my greatest dream, to be a mom. For so many women that dream is unrealized and it makes me so sad for those women. Going through IVF and infertility was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, physically and emotionally.  Of course it was worth it as I have my babies, but I would never, ever want to do it again.

It starts with waiting. Waiting to save up enough money for a cycle. (On a side note, the fact that most insurance companies do not pay for one penny of IVF is a joke since it is a medical problem that makes IVF necessary in the first place). Waiting on the results of the many, many tests you have to undergo before you can begin the actual IVF. I remember them taking over 15 vials of blood, a hysteropingogram (inserting dye into the fallopian tubes - OUCH), many, many ultrasounds including a hysterosonogram (filling the uterus with sterile saline during ultrasound - OUCH again), not to mention the testing Jeff had to go through. Then the wait begins for the actual cycle to begin. You start the daily injections of hormones that make you insane crazy, not to mention painful (and I’m not even going to go into how very, very painful the stupid progesterone shots are that I took 2x a day for 8 weeks that made me cry).  You are then monitored through ultrasound and bloodwork every other day to see how many follicles (eggs) you have and how they are growing. When they are nice and juicy you go for retrieval. They knock you out and stick a HUGE needle into the ovaries numerous time to get as many little eggies as they can find (OUCH). I ended up with 16 (I think) on our first cycle, 12 were fertilized with ICSI (injecting the spermies directly into the egg), and of those 12 none of them, NOT ONE was of good enough quality to put back. So basically we wasted tens of thousands of dollars, an entire month, and loads of energy for nothing.  I was not emotionally ready to try again for quite some time so again, more waiting. Our second cycle (with a different doctor) was much better probably in part because I knew what to expect. I really liked the doctor and her staff and of course she got us pregnant with our babies so I’m so glad we went to her! I had a HUGE cyst on my ovary they had to aspirate (OUCH OUCH OUCH) and really felt negative about the whole cycle so when it worked I was very surprised. We only had three eggies that were good enough quality to put back, so we put all three.  We had 2 Grade A - 8 cell (perfect eggs)  and 1 Grade A - 5 cell. I would imagine the two perfect eggs are Shenzie and Heaten, but you just never know.

I don’t think you can even begin to understand what it is like to have infertility issues unless you have them. Kind of like you can’t understand what it is/how it feels to be a mom until you are one. You can’t explain either of them to somebody who hasn’t gone through it. A piece of advice I would offer to anybody who knows somebody going through IF…don’t offer the unwanted advice like “it will happen, just relax”, “don’t think about it and it will happen”, ” maybe if you didn’t worry about it so much it will happen”, or “so and so who finally quit trying to get pregnant got pregnant” etc. While it does happen (it happened to several people I know), it is not what women going through such a tough time want or need to hear.

Each time someone does IVF they have about a 50% chance of it working, which of course means 50% doesn’t. My wish to anybody undergoing any IF treatment is that they are successful. I’m so thankful, grateful, blessed, and lucky to have not one, but two perfect babies.

There are many, many moments I wish I could freeze and hide somewhere so I could go back and remember them forever. Cuddling with my beautiful, sweet, wonderful daughter…..having her look over at me with a little smile on her face and then spitup right in my mouth probably isn’t one of them. And if we’re keeping track, that is now the second time she’s done that.

I’m so excited….and I just can’t hide it…I’m about to get a spa day and I think I like it.

  My best friend Stacey came to town from San Diego with her two beautiful kids Andrew and Ayla. She is treating me to spa day for my birthday and xmas at the Red Rock Resort Spa. I am so excited I could scream. Not one but TWO massages in one month. Could a girl get any luckier!! Thank you Stacey! Here are a couple of pictures from their visit. Andrew and Ayla are the “ginger kids” and Isabella (Erin’s daughter) is the brownie.

 Ginger Kids   Brownie

Stacey and babies

 Erin and Isabella

  My wonderful friend Julie came to town a couple of weeks ago with her man Jessie and she will be coming back next month with her two cutie patootie kids Zane and Cole. It has been a whole year since I last saw them so I am super excited.

Jessie, Julie, Shenzie, and Heaten

And a superduper congratulations to my friend Brent on his wedding to his new wife Amy.

p.s.

 Janae and Tina - I expect a visit from you both very, very soon!!!!

Finger Toe

That is all I have to say.

1. Can kissing a baby a million, a billion, a trillion times a day harm anything?

2. Can I bottle up the sweet/delicious/yummytomytummy/Iwantokissmybabyatrilliontimes/sour milk smell to keep forever?

****Drum roll please****

 It’s a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 That’s right, Dave and Ang are having a girl.

Congratulations Sissy and Dave!

  When I met Jeff he was vegetarian - he may have even been vegan at that time (the memory isn’t what it used to be. Oh wait, it never was all that to begin with). So anyhow, he was vegetarian for like 16 years which is a really, really long time. How do you suddenly decide you want to eat meat after that long. I mean, its not like you miss the taste because after that long who can remember what a dead cow tastes like anyhow. So one day Jeff says he wants to eat meat again. He doesn’t care about the animals and life is too short to deny yourself something that you want so he goes out and buys a pepperoni stick from the deli. Ok, first off - a pepperoni stick is just ick. Second, if you’re going to eat meat again after a hundred years you don’t start with pepperoni - how about a nice juicy steak or something. So he eats his icky pepperoni, likes it and that is the end of that. Next he had some of Brad’s delicious carniasada, then a steak, then a hamburger and then…….then…….I’m scared to even type this as it is just that gross……..then he ate a lamb. EWWWWWWW. Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!?  A lamb. That is just wrong. What’s next, a horse? Dog? Cat? Everyone watch your animals, Jeff is on the prowl. Ok, I’m just kidding about the dog, cat, and horse, but a lamb is just gross. Not only did he eat a lamb, he ate caviar. Yes you read that right, caviar. We do not eat anything from the ocean around here, no fish, no crab, no lobster, and definately not caviar - but now I guess 1/2 of us does. So gross. So there you have it…….my husband is a meat eating monster. Next thing you know he’ll want to go hunting or something dumb like that (Dad, I was totally joking about hunting, don’t get your hopes up).

This past week Shenzie and Heaten got to spend time with their Grandma’s from Saskatchewan, Canada. They drove all of the way to Las Vegas to meet the newest additions to the family. We had a wonderful time and I’m really glad the babies got to meet their other Grandma’s (the ones with the funny accents). =)

I can’t thank them enough for all of the spoiling for the babies and me! Not only did they treat me to a wonderful massage and “Grandma’d” the babies while I was out, they also treated me to a haircut and highlights. Now, pre-baby I used to get my hair done quite often with highlights, lowlights, color, etc. Then pregnancy and bedrest hit and the hair took a turn for the worst. The ends were horrid, the gray peeking through, and just plain ugh. I went to a new salon and LOVED it. My new hairstylist is awesome and I love my hair. So THANK YOU again Grandma Marg and Grandma Linda - I really appreciated the pampering!

They spoiled the babies while they were here and if the babies could talk they would also say thank you!  Auntie Leah sent 6 boxes of clothes, shoes, and toys for the babies so a HUGE thank you to her as well.

Some things I learned while they were here. Garbage disposals are called ‘garborators’, which I laughed and laughed about. Rain shoes are called gum boots . Cousin Emily is no longer a Diva, but a Princess. And Uncle David drives a girly truck! I’m sorry David - here in Vegas we drive ‘real’ trucks. =) Canada is a huge country, but what a small world. It seems like everyone there knows someone who is related to you or knew your cousin, sister, aunt, grandma etc.

The babies are getting more fun as each day passes. They smile a ton (some more than others, Shenzie is our serious baby), they ’talk’, squirm, hate tummy time, love to be held, and make me smile and laugh everyday. They have bald spots that crack me up to no end.

They recently started sitting in their Bumbo chairs and as you can see they like them!

Both babies are now in 3-6 month clothes. My oh my how they grow. Thank you to Auntie Kristy for the new batch of clothing!!

The other day while I was giving Heaten a bath I was wondering if Ang or Stacey would have a boy and get peed on everytime they change his diaper or give him a bath. I was thinking how great it was that Heaten was older and didn’t pee everywhere all of them time. Right when I had the thought he had ESP and soaked my leg with pee! I swear, the thought was in my head and then the pee was on my leg. I guess we’re not past that stage quite yet.

I love these babies more than anything else in the whole world and each day I get to spend at home with them is a blessing.

Dear little Clambinos,

Today you turned 3 months old. This is supposed to be “The Golden Month”, the month when things start to get better. The month you (maybe) will get into some sort of schedule, cry less, smile more, and be little angel babies so mommy won’t want to pull her hair out anymore!

The last week has been really good. Not only was your dad home for the holidays, but you guys actually started getting into a very loose schedule. You used to eat every 2 hours and cry your little heads off when 1.5-2 hours arrived. You are now going every 3 hours which makes a HUGE difference to my sanity. Having your daddy here for long weekends hasn’t hurt either. You are getting more fun as each day passes. I wish I could just video you all day long so I could remember these days that zoom past at lighting speed. Your looks are changing and your personalities are starting to show.

Heaten,

You are still a tank. You weigh 13.5 pounds and have moved from 0-3 month clothes into 3-6 month clothes. You not only went up a clothing size you did it two weeks before you were even 3 months. At this rate by the time you are 4 months old you’ll be in 9 month old clothing. Slow down little piggy, you’re getting too big.

You still eat ALOT. The amount of $$ we spend a week on formula is ridiculous and I won’t even go into how many diapers you both use. I’ve been taking notes throughout the month so I wouldn’t forget all that you do. My first note says that you want to be held all of the time and you cry/scream until I pick you up and then you promply fall asleep in my arms. While this is still true it is getting easier to get you to sleep on your own. This week I’m going to try to get you used to sleeping in your crib - note the key word “try”. A couple of other notes I took - Heaten scratches, pinches, punches, squirms, wiggles, and head butts. No wonder you’re so hungry all of the time - you are constantly moving if you are awake. On December 5th you started “talking” and as the weeks have passed you do it more and more. It’s gone from one syllable to two, three and even cooing sentences. Pretty soon you’ll be giggling and I can’t wait!

When you and your sister first came home from the hospital you wouldn’t look at each other - ever. Not even if I put her right in front of your face. You are now looking at her. I don’t think you know what to make of the other little creature and it is so cute to see you trying to figure out what she is. You don’t share a crib because you always hit her in the face, but you do share a room and wake each other up on a daily basis.

You both had your first Christmas and were spoiled rotten by everyone. You were both in overalls and I just wanted to eat you up for dinner and dessert you were so cute!!! We also had a New Year. It is now 2007!!!!!! We slept through it all, but I’m sure it was great. This coming year is going to be the best! Life couldn’t get any more perfect (the only thing to make it better would be if your daddy didn’t have to go to work everday).

Shenzie,

My little baby doll. You are getting so big - 12 whole pounds and fat rolls that make me laugh every time I see them.

This month you became much more demanding and you learned to scream very, very loud. Sometimes you and your brother like to play ‘Who can scream the loudest’, and about 1/2 the time you win! You love to be held, the days of you lying content and quiet are long gone. Gone daddy gone, the love is gone, yadda yadda.

You love to have your daddy play the guitar and sing to you. You also love the swing. I make you and your brother take turns in it because you both love it so much.

You smile at us and are just now starting to ‘talk’. You had your first goo-goo ga-ga on December 20th and I’ve only heard a handful since. You also love to suck your hand and sometimes your thumb falls into your mouth and you suck on it so hard I’m afraid it will pop off in your mouth. Your little eyes just light up when you smile, it makes me feel so good to see you smile and know that you’re happy.

You and your brother make my life perfect. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and best friend and my two little babies who I love more than anything. Thank you for making my life so great.

I love you babies.

Love,

Mama