Not literally, although the thought did cross my mind. Just kidding. Sort of. Let me just say that the past two weeks have been pure hell. I feel like we are drowning and I need to somehow get a life vest to save us. Terrible twos (?), death of doggie, and teething are all making my life miserable. I need a serious attitude adjustment. Over the weekend I made big plans to implement this week, we’ll see if they work.
On a daily basis I am finding myself getting very frustrated, angry, depressed, and generally a moody monster. I don’t even want to be around myself, too bad that’s not an option. I’ve been really struggling with being patient, understanding, and calm. Let’s just say that the constant crying, screaming, whining, fighting, not sleeping, and insane of babies is enough to make anyone a bit loony. Loony is not a fun place to be, especially when there is no end to the crazy baby in site. Being flexible is key to being a good mother and I’m sure you’ve guessed I’m not much of a flexible person. Until now! Ok, not instant like that…more of a Lesley Makeover. I WILL be patient. I WILL be calm. I WILL be understanding. I WILL NOT be crazy.
The babies (and Mama) are out of control lately. Shenzie lashes out at Heaten over the slightest thing and scratches him. I’ve even see her go purposely for the eye area. Not acceptable. She has marked his leg, back, belly, face, and neck. She was in time out constantly, but it didn’t seem to be phasing her in the least. Enter Super Time Out. Thank you so much Laura for your guidance and advice! Super Time Out is time out in her room if we’re upstairs or in the laundry room if we’re downstairs. Instead of her going to her corner for 3 seconds and then coming out raging she has to go in the room with the door closed. She does not like this at all! Super Time Out seems to be working very well for her.
It is hard not to get angry when they hurt you or their sibling. Getting punched in the face isn’t all that fun. You wouldn’t think a little tiny mini person who weighs all of 23 pounds could do any damage, but let me tell you, they are stronger than they look. I love the idea of putting myself in time out to take a breather, but since that is not an option (the babies would really hurt each other if I wasn’t there to stop the madness) I just need to focus on staying calm. I yelled at the babies last week and felt horrible. I’m not a yeller or a spanker and I found myself wanting to do both. Instead of Time Out being TIME OUT! It is now a calm Time Out, let’s take a break and calm down. I feel much better about this approach since I was viewing Time Out as something negative to make them stop bad behavior instead of just a break to encourage good behavior. It’s amazing how much a little attitude adjustment can make such a difference to my sanity.
As far as Heaten is concerned….well, lets just say he found his voice and it isn’t pretty. The tantrums are in full force, pretty much all day. For the most part I ignore them, but OMG they really do wear on me. He hits, cries, hits his head on the hard tile, falls down and refuses to walk, fights pretty much everything. Changing diaper, getting dressed, putting shoes on, bathing, car seats. My life is a battle field right now and I think the babies are winning!!! Time Outs aren’t as effective for Heaten, but I’m hoping if I’m consistent he will eventually “get it”. For now the method that seems to work is redirection when he is hurting Shenzie and ignoring when he is having a tantrum.
The other issue is the death of doggie and the toll it is taking on his sleep. Not pretty. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE swore that 3 or 4 days of crying and he would be good as new. Death of doggie would be a distant memory. Lies! All Lies!!! Two weeks and counting and on a daily basis there is MUCH crying before sleep. Without doggie he just doesn’t know how to soothe himself so instead he cries for at least 15 minutes before every nap. The naps went from 2 hours which was a nice break down to 40 minutes which is NOT a nice break. He then wakes up very unhappy because he is still tired. Nights are a bit better. Usually the crying before bed is only a minute or two, but 3 or 4 nights a week he’ll wake in the middle of the night and cry anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour. I feel like the worst mother in the world for letting him cry, but nothing else has worked. He won’t sleep with me, he won’t be soothed by my presence in his room, he won’t take another lovey. It really, really breaks my heart to hear him cry every. single. day. but there is nothing I can do to help so once again I need to adjust my attitude. Instead of wondering if today is the day where he isn’t going to cry I need to just accept the fact that right now crying is his way of soothing himself to sleep. It may end soon or it may continue for months. I was sitting in room crying along with him which wasn’t healthy for me. I was getting more and more depressed and miserable. Like every other phase, this one will pass and (hopefully soon) be a distant memory.
Being a mother is HARD. I swear you can hear it from every mother out there, but until you experience it you don’t realize just how much it takes on a daily basis. Luckily being a mother is wonderful, beautiful, fun, and special to make up for the crazy hard!!!!
Looking at these sweet little faces you’d never know they were so INSANE CRAZY!



July 28th, 2008 at 7:43 am
many.many.hugs.
I.hate.when.we.fall.into.one.of.these.slumps.
Hang.in.there,
try.to.get.outside.somewhere.as.often.as.you.can.
So.sorry.about.Doggie
July 28th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Oh Lesley, what a rough spell you’ve had. I really hope things shape up some!
You totally didn’t ask for advice, but that never stops me =) Not sure any of these
things will help but…
I’m not a SAHM so I don’t know what it’s like. But I do know I would go nuts without
a break from the kiddos. Is there any way you can get some help? I know you’ve said
before you don’t like the idea of leaving the kids alone with someone. What about
just having someone to help you even 1X a week and you can be home but a bit away?
Then you could have your own super duper time out (in a good way).
One thing that helps with our kids are lots of choices. Do you want your diaper
changed on the table or the floor? Do you want a normal diaper or a special diaper?
What do you want to hold while I change you? Which shoes do you want to wear? Do
you want to put on your shirt first or your shorts? Do you want to try to close
your car seat strap or do you want me to do it? This is what I am like all day
long. Giving the kiddos some control has helped at our house. I say no enough as
it is!
I hope things improve. And I hope your life now isn’t what mine will be when we’re
cooped up in the winter and you’re romping around outside!
July 28th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Mad hugs to you and Jeff and the crazies.
The choices thing is a great idea.
Hey, Mason likes music, so he has both a crib aquarium and a mobile-less mobile (just the music box part) attached to his crib. We put them on for him every night and nap, and sometimes when he wakes up on his own, he turns them on and goes back to sleep.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Oh, and just to let you know, it was the patience thing, losing my cool that led
me to take a long walk one day. It was after that walk when I realized that that was
the solution to my impatience. That time to reflect on myself, the girls, our life,
was all right in front of me as I walked. I’m not talking a short walk … I mean at
least 20-30 minutes … enough to let your shoulders fall away from your ears.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
And, because my first comment was lost you now are wondering waht the heck is
happening????? I only said that I recommend that you take long walks. I started
this three times a week at the peak of our TERRIBLES about two months ago. It
really helped me realized a lot about myself and how to handle the nonsense. It is so
hard to be a mother of twins. So many complications. It’s not as easy as just giving them
choices … like the advice said. I’m glad super time outs are working for you.
They ahven’t worked for us. Taking said toy away, though, has helped. Even taking
lovey away has helped a little.
But, the walks … that’s what helped me. 30-45 minutes every other day or so.
let me know if you try it.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Oh Lesley just know you are not alone. I have had those days. Just recently I even for the first time since I was so stressed when they were very little wondered, what the heck I was thinking. This of course does not mean I don’t love them dearly, but having kids is very HARD. We are only human and we make mistakes like yelling and even spanking which I have done both and don’t like to do either but I have found myself at my wits end before too and not too long ago. I hope it gets better soon for you all. HUGS!!
July 29th, 2008 at 3:39 am
If it is any consolation, we talked to over 500 women for our book (Mothers Need
Time Outs, Too [Mc Graw Hill]) and so many of them said they are so stressed
all the time and feel so invisible and exhausted they are at their wits end! But
we also did tons of research on women who figured out what small steps to take
that would make them get back in touch with themselves and find a way to be more
peaceful mothers — moms who could live in the moment without going nuts! The book
is full of real life anecdotes and tips so you might find comfort in seeing that
you are not alone!
Good luck Lesley!
Katrin
http://www.momstimeouts.com
July 29th, 2008 at 6:53 am
I have been a lurker on your blog since you were preggo witht he crazies, and I found out I was preggo with crazies too. I have never left a message for you, but today I felt like you needed it! Those crazies are so lucky to have a Mom like you! I am truely amazed at how you have handled being a first time Mom to those two beautiful toddlers! You inspire me to be a better Mom and to calm down to enjoy the small things that they do. AND, I have become a better photographer enjoying all your pictures too! Hang in there, I hope it gets easier soon! Missy
July 29th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Oh no!!!! I’m sorry it’s been so insane…. but they are pretty damn adorable. That smile Shenzie is sporting is too too cute.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:21 am
[…] about a great break!! I really needed the break to recharge my brain for the coming week. So far my Lesley Makeover is working. I am being more patient, calm, and understanding. No more yelling, getting overly […]