I come from a big family. Six kids, four girls and two boys, of which I am the second. I honestly don’t know how my Mom did it and still kept her sanity. Growing up my parents never ever played favorites. If one child got something they all got it. To this day my Mom still holds that philosophy and it has carried onto the Grandchildren. If one grandchild gets something they all do (well, for the most part). I never felt growing up that one of my sisters or brothers problems were more important than mine or that they had something I didn’t. I hope that I can raise my kids with that same idea. I never want one of them to think that the other was favored in any way, shape, or form.

When I write posts I always include a picture of Shenzie and one of Heaten. When I write their monthly letters I make sure they have equal pictures posted (I know, a little overboard). When I buy something for one of them the other gets something too. So anyway, long story short….I wrote Shenzie Bugs a post three months ago and intended to do Heaten’s right after and then crazy life caught me and I never got around to it…so here you are baby boy. Your letter, only a little late.

My Little Heaten Bear,

I’m actually glad I didn’t write this letter back when I intended to. Since then you have literally exploded with personality. My quiet, sweet, loving boy has turned into a whirlwind of delight, defiance, and drama. You have always been the emotional baby, crying a lot when you were little. Whining a lot when you got older, and having crazy tantrums over the past few months. You have never lashed out or hit me, Dada, or your Sissy……until now. These past two weeks you have learned that you want things and heaven forbid something get in your way. You start with crying or yelling and then progress to hitting. Luckily you aren’t as aggressive as Shenzie so your hits are more like love pats.

You now tell me no and do things that you know you’re not supposed to do. It goes like this:

Mama: Heaten don’t *insert mischievous behavior here*
Heaten: Looking right at me does it again.
Mama: Heaten, look at Mama….Don’t *insert mischievous behavior here*
Heaten: Looking right at me does it again with a gleam in his eye.
Mama: Heaten, come over here and play with the blocks.
Heaten: Comes over and “love pats” Mama and runs back to doing whatever it was that he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

I can’t help but laugh sometimes when you are testing your limits so obviously. You are so cute when you run over and hit me that I have to hold the giggles in.

You still love to cuddle with me or Dada and are still my sweet little boy. Your laugh is so infectious, it lights up your whole face. You run like frankenstein, clomping along after Sissy. You love to copy your sister. If she crawls you crawl. If she throws something down the stairs you throw something down the stairs. And on and on and on.

You don’t like the water. We’ve taken you swimming two times and two times you hated it. We have a little pool outside that is perfect for you, but most days you won’t even get in. When we go to the park I have to run you through the water for you to get wet and cool off.

You are talking up a storm. Your favorite game is pointing to an object and I name what it is. You repeat it almost everytime. You LOVE the vacuum and ask for it daily. Hopefully with all of your new words your yelling and crying will taper off, but I’m not holding my breath.

Little boy, I love you so much. I could never imagine my life without you in it.

I love you,
Love Mama.

The other night I was literally trapped in Heaten’s room from 2:30 in the morning until 5am. After a couple of mistakes on my part I was finally able to escape back into my bed for some much needed sweet blissful sleep.

How did I get trapped in his room you ask? Well, lets just say Mommy is a sucker! All was well and good in Sweet Sleep Land until I awaken to a horrid screaming. A screaming so loud and tortured I immediately jumped from bed and go running to the loft to determine which baby needed me. I run into Jeff in the hall who said he had just rocked Heaten and laid him back down. Not good that he was still screaming so crazily. I knew he had dropped his dog out of the crib (his newest phase that I HATE). I go in and get doggie, lay him back down, turn and walk away. Before I had even got to the door he had jumped up, threw doggie, and started screaming again. It is nights like these I am SO GLAD we separated them into their own rooms.

This is where it all goes downhill.

So tired after our long night he has to take a cat nap on the couch.

I pick him up. At 20/21 months they know if I pick them up once I will pick them up again and again. And I will, I just don’t want them to know that…it is my little secret. So I pick him up and rock him for what felt like an hour, but was closer to 15-20 minutes (we don’t have a rocking chair and let me tell you….Standing and rocking while holding a 24 pound baby gets REALLY heavy after the first little while). He is very tired, yawning, cuddling doggie and me so I assume it is safe to lay him back down. Big mistake. The screams start up, doggie goes flying, and I leave the room for a regrouping of my tired head. I let him cry for 1-2 minutes, go in, put doggie back in the bed, lay him down, and walk out. Not happening. You can guess what comes next. Thud as doggie gets thrown and of course the screaming. It is now like 3am, I’m tired, Heaten is tired and I just want this horrible nightmare to end. So what do I do? I go back in, pick him up (yes I know, didn’t I learn my lesson already), and rock him while sitting on the floor. I must have sat there for 30 minutes while he kicks his legs, pets my arm, and in general doesn’t get sleepy. Trouble for Mama in Heaten Town!

4:00am. I’m beyond tired and getting a little frustrated. I put him in his crib where he starts to cry and scream and I lay down on the floor so he can see me. This seems to do the trick. THANK GOD! He lays down, grabs doggie, and calms down. Hallelujah! While the floor is not all that comfortable it is definitely better than holding Heaten in my tired arms. He rolls to his belly and I am seriously ready to jump up and run. And then he starts to wiggle his butt back and forth. Kick his little legs softly and then harder and harder all the while making little noises and talking to himself. I look to the door that is closed and want to cry. Freedom is so very close….I can taste it. But it is not to be.

I lay on the floor for about 20 minutes while he plays quietly with himself, kicking, wriggling, and talking. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember that I’m there until he sits straight up, looks at me, and then lays back down. At this point I realize I’m in for a LONG night on the floor and wish I had a blanket or pillow or even some shorts since the floor isn’t very comfortable on my tushy. I decide that he is content enough and get up, walk to the door without looking at him, open door, and sneak out. The minute the door opens he stands up, throws doggie, and starts to cry. You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! It is 4:30am WHY ISN’T HE SLEEPING!?!?! I rush back in, lay him down, sit on the floor in the middle of the room and make sure the door is open (not making the closed door mistake again, I need a FAST getaway). He rolls over and begins his kick, butt wiggle (which was very cute to see) and I slowly crab crawl to the door. I am certain he isn’t going to sleep anytime soon, but I’m seriously ready to cry from tiredness, frustration, and general Ewww. I crab crawl out the door, sneak out, close it quickly and stop outside to make sure all is quiet. Not a peep. HOLY SHIT! I did it!!!!!

I crawl into bed, snuggle in for a couple hours of sweet, blissful sleep. I just start to doze when what do you know….more screaming. Seriously, I want to run away or let him cry or something, but you know me….Softy McSoftalot. I go in, get dog, lay Heaten down, walk out and FINALLY he stays quiet. I get back into bed and end up sleeping in until 8 when Shenzie wanted up.

Yay for sleeping in! Boo for crazy night!

Ready for naptime….getting cozy with bear.

This is not encouraging since it appears we just went through the 18 month sleep regression, now we have even more sleep drama to look forward too. Sheesh, can’t a girl catch a wink! =)

Happy Canada Day Grandma’s in Saskatchewan and Auntie Leah and Cousins!!!!

Happy Canada Day Husband and Children who are little halvsies.

These are a couple of the VERY few pictures I have of the babies together. These were taken when they were sick and running around in my t-shirts. They thought it was hilarious.

Thanks Eva for reminding me it is Canada Day!

I was so very excited for our Totnastics to start. Not only would it give us something do to once a week that was new and fun, it would keep us out of the heat! Every night when Jeff gets home from work he and the babies have Wrestle Mania. Wrestle Mania includes flips, pillow fights, rolls, hanging upside down, body drops into piles of pillows, you name it they do it. The babies LOVE Wrestle Mania, but especially Heaten. He loves to rough house, hang upside down, flip upside down, and everything else involved in Wrestle Mania. I knew he was going to LOVE totnastics. Rolling, tumbling, hanging, jumping on the trampoline. How much more fun could a kid have?!? Here was Heaten the entire first class…..

I had asked my Mom to go with me to the first class so I could get a feel for how it was and make sure that I could do it alone. Yeah, well, I WILL NOT ever be taking them alone. She had to step out of the class for 15 minutes so I was left on my own with two babies, one who cried the entire time and the other who didn’t want to do any of the activities. My anxiety level was through the roof! All of the other kids were older and had been through the class for 2 and even 3 previous sessions. My babies were by far the youngest and I think the class is a little advanced for us. I had a talk with the sub teacher (the regular teacher was sick) and she didn’t make me feel any better. She said without actually saying that I would need help and didn’t encourage me at all. I was thinking that it was a big mistake to enroll them and I was so bummed about it because I had such high hopes they would just love it.

Last week for our second class Jeff was able to attend (Thank you baby!) and I thought for sure Heaten would do better with Dada there. Nope. He still cried the entire time and didn’t want to do any of the activities except the teeter totter. They both LOVED this. Our regular teacher was there so I told her my concerns about the class being too advanced and my handling them alone. She made me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Her name is Ms. Lesley (although she probably spells it Leslie) and she has 6 year old twins. Any twin Mommy knows that when you meet another Mommy of Twins they just get it. They get the logistics of having two and all it entails. She said that she was never able to take both of hers alone and she was even the coach! She said that they were doing great and not to get discouraged…that all of the kids started off exactly the same way and after a couple of sessions (meaning the 6 week course) they start to “get it”. I was so relieved after talking to her. I still won’t be able to take them alone, but hopefully next fall or spring we’ll be at a place that I can do it alone.