I think every little girl dreams of the day she’ll become a Mother (much to my husbands dismay). You dream of the perfect pregnancy, an easy delivery, instant bonding with your precious newborn. Nights spent rocking in a chair singing lullabies to your little one. With great certainty I can say I missed out on every single one of those. Twelve weeks of bedrest, gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, emergency C-Section, NICU, and twins. There was no rocking in chairs while feeding a baby, there was no instant bonding, there was no cuddling together. I was in a constant state of anxiety over the constant crying, feeding, burping, and trying to get two little ones to sleep at the same time. I didn’t get to sit and hold one baby because the other always needed something.

Fast forward 2.4 years. This morning I sat on the couch with Shenzie curled in my arms like a baby singing Rock a Bye Baby over and over again while we looked into each others eyes. Thinking about it at this second makes me want to cry. It was such a sweet, tender, precious moment just like I envisioned it would be (only a couple of years late). Heaten sat playing quietly while Shenzie asked for one more, one more, one more song. So I gave her one more, one more, one more song. She sang along with me at the end before playing baby was done. Of course when her turn was done Heaten wanted his turn to play baby so I scooped him up, started to sing softly to him, and what does he do? Headbutts me. Typical boy.