Last week I asked Jeff very seriously if he would commit murder for me. You know it is true love when someone vows to murder for you. Well, true love or crazy husband…either way the answer was yes. He then asked who I would like murdered. I gestured downstairs (don’t worry, Jeff and both babies were upstairs). Since there was no one downstairs he was quite confused until I whispered “Blue”. “Blue? Huh”. I then had to explain to him that yes, we have a fish named Blue who I would like murdered (goes to show you just how much attention Old Blue is NOT getting around here).

Now - before you call PETA on me understand that Blue is not a real animal. Not like a cat or a dog or even a lizard. I do not randomly go around hurting animals or fishies. Well, except for that one time I left my hampster Joe outside in the scorching heat and he died. Or that time the neighbor jumped off the roof onto my cat and killed it. Oh yeah, there was also the time my dog Max got stole from our front yard. So maybe I do go around hurting animals and fishies, just not on purpose. This time it would be on purpose.

You see, Blue is boring and causing me nothing but extra work (which trust me, I don’t need). The only reason I got him in the first place was because the babies love the fishies at Wally World so I got them one (against Jeff’s advice I might add). They were interested in Blue for all of one day and then he became this thing that sat on the shelf. Every time anyone came over they would swear he was dead. He didn’t swim or even move much. He just sat there, pooping in his bowl and making a mess. After three weeks of me meaning to clean his bowl and never getting around to it I finally gave up and tried to hire a killer.

And then my conscious got the better of me and I cleaned out the stupid bowl and called off the killer. Little Blue was happy after that swimming around and pooping again.
Imagine my great surprise when a few days later Jeff said he thought the fish was dead. He had made this claim before (numerous times) so I just brushed him off and said no, Blue just isn’t an active kind of fish, more of the lazy kind. I stroll over to Blue’s bowl to find him very dead indeed. Floating upside down and instead of being blue he was gray and puffy. EWWWWWWWW. And let me tell you, dead fish STINK! But I swear I didn’t kill him. Well, not on purpose anyway. As an added bonus any and all pets have been banned from our house until such a time that the babies are old enough to kill them…er, I mean take care of them without me having to do their dirty work!

*Note to my sister Ang who is going to call me and yell at me: I really didn’t mean to kill him. Unless all those evil killing thoughts did the trick. I Pinky swear.