More specifically I am a thief.

Now before you get all crazy and accuse me of stealing 8 out of 10 times it was unknown that I was actually stealing. The football I tried to take from the park….well, that one I knew about. Most times it is something that fell in the cart behind my bag or something left on the cart bottom that I forgot about. I probably could go back inside and pay, but A) I’m not unloading the twins to pay for something I clearly got away with and B) it is there responsibility to check my cart so too bad suckers!!

Yesterday’s thievery starts with a Tar*get trip. While reaching down to get a 12 pack of Diet Coke for Jeff my hand went through the handle carrier thingy and my finger got sliced open by an open coke can. How the can of coke was sliced down the middle is a mystery, but it sure sliced the shit out of my finger. I was bleeding everywhere so when a worker walked by I asked for a bandaid and gave them the case of coke so no one else would get cut. She comes back without the bandaid, but has a manager in tow. Apparently since I cut my finger I had to fill out an accident report. Ugh! All I wanted was a bandaid. So we (me and the twins) follow the manager to the open register where she makes me sit down (I guess in case I pass out from loss of blood because they won’t give me a bandaid). The twins are all oooooh and ahhhhhh, over the blood dripping down my hand. The manager leaves to get the camera to document the cut and while she is gone the security guard comes over and tells me I can’t be behind a live register. I tell him that his Manager put me there so he stands guard over me the entire time just watching me suspiciously. Finally the Manager comes back and lets hound dog off the hook. She sends me on my merry way WITHOUT a bandaid and I go checkout. The security guard is still watching me suspiciously which is weird. What did he think - I cut myself on purpose so I could sit behind the register? Anyhow I check out and since he is STILL watching me I give him a little smile and head out the door. It is when I get to the car that I realize I didn’t pay for the two cases of cokes under the cart. Ooops. I figure it serves them right for making me bleed all the way home, but I’m REALLY surprised hound dog didn’t notice with his watchful eyes on me the entire time.

Later that night Jeff tells me the story of when he took the twins to Wal*mart while I was on vacation. Shenzie and Heaten like to hold things while we shop so when we get to the register sometimes I forget they are still holding them. Apparently this is what happened to Jeff so at least I’m not the only thief in the family. =)