Ok, so I’ve heard mixed things on the terrible two’s vs. the terrible threes. Personally I didn’t think it could get any worse than the tantrums, crazy, fit throwing, fighting twos, but OMG I was SO SO very wrong. Three’s [so far] suck.
Truth be told, Heaten at three is just fine. He still has his throwing of things when I don’t understand him and the occasional outburst if he is hungry or I can’t get to him fast enough, but that is all normal. Time outs work really well with him as does 1-2-3. I am not having much of a problem with Heaten. Ok, well let me first say his OCD is out of control. I just realized last night how VERY similar Daddy and Heaten are. Heaten MUST have his closet door closed at all times. All of his dresser drawers must be closed tight. All of the doors downstairs must be closed or he’ll go close them all. He hates his hands to get dirty. He is CONSTANTLY picking his nails and they have to be cut just so. He has little weird behaviors like tugging up his pants even if they aren’t falling down or wiping his nose with his arm even though there is nothing wrong with it. He is very rigid in his schedule and routine and does not like it when it gets messed up or you don’t follow the EXACT routine. Every night Jeff has to take him thru his 30 minutes of ritual before bed and OMG forget about leaving a step out. So maybe Heaten is just as crazy at three, just not as IN MY FACE about is as Shenzie.
Then there is Shenzie. Lordy B somebody help me. Now Mom and Sissies, you can sit back and laugh all you want over the fact that she is me, just be prepared for me to drop her off at YOUR door if you do. =)
So Shenzie. She is stubborn, feisty, hot headed, crazy, silly, and sassy. Every day we have tantrums because I didn’t pick out the right undies or pants. She wants her “parkly” undies (sparkly undies of which there are NONE, she just made it up) and then throws a fit when I don’t pick out the right ones. She wants her soft pants with sparklies. She wants to pick out her clothes daily and will pick out a long sleeved shirt even though it is 80 outside. Purple shirt with bats and bright pink floral pants, sure, why not! She wants to wear her hair with two bows in her eyes. We get a lot of crazy looks and some weird comments over this one. I just give in to the crazy clothing, because when I don’t it is just not worth the tantrum. She purposely hits, scratches, and hurts me and doesn’t care that it hurt me. The hand in my face and “NO MAMA, NOW” is getting a bit old. Bossy McBossalot (yes, once again Sissies, laugh away that she is Mini Me). She refuses to apologize and time outs do NOTHING for her. For that matter, nothing is working. Time outs, toys in time out, yelling, ignoring, I’ve tried it all and I just don’t feel any of it is helping. The constant battle of wills with her is enough to drive me to drink. Oh wait, she already did that!
I can see our future, and oh my, we are going to be in constant battle.
*As a side note, Mom, let me just apologize publicly for all of the PURE HELL I put you thru, because if Shenzie is Mini Me, then you had it BAD!
November 11th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Have you read that book Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy? I don’t really read a lot of parenting books now but this book LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Three year olds LOVE the fight and they will NOT BACK DOWN. That is crucial to understanding them and understanding how to manipulate them. I can’t say enough good things about the book.
Shenzie sounds like Nate. We found we just had to become so much more relaxed and just let him be in charge of anything that wasn’t critical. I also found that saying YES as much as possible completely confuses him, he says he wants to eat ketchup with his pancakes? Okay.
We also found time out doesn’t change his behavior but putting him in time out (we use the 1 2 3 Magic method except hitting which is immediate time out) gives US a breather. We also reversed the locks so we can lock him in if he refuses to stay in time out. We found at the beginning of 3, he spent a LOT of time in time out. Then once we figured out this new age a little better and he figured out we were serious, things calmed down.
But the book does say over and over that the person the kids like to fight most with is the mom! Anyway I don’t want all of this to come across as assvicey, I’m just saying that those two books completely saved our butts. It’s still loud and crazy but I feel like I have a better emotional handle on everything.
November 11th, 2009 at 8:13 am
I’m sorry, I hear your pain but I had to laugh outloud at work. Your kiddies are stinken cute as I know you well know and they are just putting you through growing pains. Personally, the one thing that I would work on the most is the hitting and hurting you. How to do that….especially with a strong will won’t be easy. Did you get any answers on preschool and the possibility of them going? Maybe a change in routine with more activity and around other kids……just throwing some stuff out there. Consistency is what my mom pounded in to me when my boys were younger and yes I have one strong willed and stubborn. He is 16 now and still the same way. I parent him much different than I do my son that is two years older who is very easy going and layed back. Good luck. It will get better.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Shenzie is you about high school age… I think you had a few similiar fits with me!!!! Ha ha!!!!! She’ll get better, just lay down the law and pick your battles… at least she’s strong and knows what she wants and doesn’t want. Those sounds like good traits to me!
November 11th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I feel for you! I have twin girls that are almost-3… 3 year olds need POWER over their surroundings, and they also need a very limited number of choices, otherwise they get overwhelmed. Try giving Shenzie 3 options for clothes that she can select from (clothes that you have pre-selected). Put away/hide all other options! I have a box that I put clothes in that I don’t want my girls to select (ie. summer clothes in the winter) and put it up in their closet while they aren’t looking. You’ll never succeed in explaining to a 3 year why she can’t wear a sweater in 80 degree weather! Instead of time outs, try other consequences. For my girls, if they know they won’t be able to watch Dora after their nap, I can get results. Make sure you follow through and are consistent. Believe it or not, that’s what she is looking for. Just like Heaten needs his routine. Hope I don’t sound preachy - just trying to help a fellow twin mommy with some things that have helped me keep my sanity with my 2 little spazzies!